This week has not been as much of a struggle as it could have been, but a real learning experience. relapsing has opened my eyes to how easy it is to loose sight on what the Lord has for my life. It first caused me to choose to go in self pity because of how selfish I am and how much I still want to get high. I need to acknowledge that the old man is still very alive and I was living in the flesh because let's face it it feels good. It's extremely hard to fight what feels good. The more I let the flesh dictate my feelings the further I get from the spirit and the more I forget God. What I'm learning is I can't fight this battle alone, I don't have the power, only the spirit does. Complete surrender is the mindset I'm striving for. The warmest feeling is the love I felt from the brothers in the house. Even though I messed up they stood up for me. Trust will have to be earned back but the love was never far away. Now is the time to push towards the spirit and stay out of self pity and condemnation. I am choosing to remain in unending prayer and lean on God and my brothers.
Shaun Barrett